Can we really date outside of our caste? Interesting questions? In today's world..do we actually live in a class less society? My friend Jenny sent me a quote she found by Rupert Everett the famous English actor. He basically commented on the upward social mobility of gay men. He said that unless you are “prepared to flash everything you’ve got—your credit card, your body, your haircut” you are basically not going to get anywhere in the gay world and definitely not get laid or find love. As gay men…maybe we feel insecure about our lifestyle and hence feel the need to show off our material wealth.

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My friend Jim recently started seeing a new guy named Matt. They make a great couple. Jime is 27 and Matt is 39. They have a lot of things in common both having a keen interest in fiction books and travel. The main inequality in their relationship is their differences in income. Jim has a typical admin job for a non-profit organisation. Matt is a successful business analyst with a major bank. Jim’s idea of spending big on a dinner is $40. Matt would not think twice about spending $300 on a bottle of wine. Matt makes about four times what Jim makes in a year.

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We all look for a balance in our relationships. Even the word partnership denotes some sort of an equal equation. But not all relationships are equal..maybe no relationship is equal. Some guys are tops others are bottoms; some guys are masculine others are femminine; some guys are needy others are givers. Some people are in relationships where there are big age differences; some are sugar daddies others are sugar sons. What happens when you date someone in a different socio economic group? What kind of equality can you have in a relationship if you boyfriend makes four times your salary? Can a Westie date an Eastern suburbs snob?

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Matt circulates around a different group of people: Jim calls them the Eastern suburb snobs. The ones that live in buildings with fancy names (The Republic, The Monument, etc). Their dinner conversations focus around their first class travel and their latest investment properties. They consider anywhere that has mains under $40 café food and would never be caught at the grocery store (get the help to do the shopping!). His friends are older, well connected and well travelled. Jim thinks they are total snobs. Jim’s friends all work in less wealthy industries: education, the arts, and the non profit organisations. Most of his friends rent and have very little disposable income. They take public travel and could never afford to buy property in Australia.

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Jim is constantly trying to fit in with Matt’s world and group. He is living a lifestyle outside of his salary. Matt’s friends think that Jim is not ambitious enough for him (i.e. he's too poor). Is Rupert Everett right? As gay men do we put an emphasis on material things? Is the fact that we do not have traditional social groundings (marriage, children) making us snobbish? When looking for a partner should we be looking for someone in our social group or can we date outside of our social caste?

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